NOW THIS WON'T HURT A BIT SIR - Exactly what size your anus needs to be to buy a car in Sydney, it will need to be considerably bigger, to buy a new house in Herstmonceux, a village that is rapidly becoming the arsehole of the south-east, in the opinion of many occupiers. You'll also need a nice fat wallet, because none of the houses are affordable, or zero carbon. So, money to burn would be an advantage - or that you just don't care if the planet boils.

Where Wealden District Councillors and the Herstmonceux Parish Councillors seem to be intent on ruining what was a quiet little village, many residents (allegedly) consider them to be assholes.

We wonder what size A'hole you need to have to be considered for one of the new cardboard boxes being built in the village, or close by in Amberstone (for example). Check out the advert for prospective BMW buyers in Sydney:

BMW DEALERS ASKS PROSPECTIVE BUYERS TO SHOW THEIR ARSEHOLES TO MAKE SURE IT'S BIG ENOUGH

Our town’s upper-middle-class white men will now have to show a local car dealer their anus if they want to go through with a purchase of a BMW, to make sure the arsehole is big enough to warrant buying one.

Rex LeMarc of Betoota Grove BMW told The Advocate this afternoon that he only wants the biggest arseholes in town driving his cars and the unorthodox methods of learning just how much arsehole a person has should become part in parcel with buying a BMW across the board.

“It’s a sliding scale,” he laughed.

Our reporter joined Mr LeMarc at his sales desk within the Whiteshoe Crescent showroom.

“For example, if you have an arsehole that’s the size of a CD-ROM, we’ll take you straight to the M3 section. The area reserved for the unbridled arsehole. The surgeons, anaesthetists and Supreme Court rent boys,”

“For the more modest anus, we have a selection of 1-series cars. Perhaps even a four-wheel-drive. But they’re more popular with women. We obviously don’t inspect a lady’s arsehole. That’d be a bit crass. We aren’t Audi.”

“But for the biggest arseholes in town, we have a fully-electric model. You must have an anus the size of a ping pong paddle to own one of those.”

When asked if it was legal to ask to see a man’s anus before selling him a car, Rex said that was largely irrelevant.

“BMW drivers are already above the law, imagine how high a dealer like me must be?”

The Advocate reached out to BMW’s corporate headquarters in Sydney for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/arsehole

Arsehole noun [C] (UNPLEASANT PERSON)

Arsehole noun [C] (BODY PART)

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/arsehole

Plural: Arseholes = equals more than one unpleasant person, such as a political party comprised of stupid people, or Councillors/Council officers that enjoy making citizens lives intolerable.

https://www.lexico.com/definition/arsehole

Vulgar slang British:

1 A person's anus.

2 A stupid, irritating, or contemptible person.

- Tear someone a new arsehole

- Reprimand or criticize someone harshly.

Origin - Late Middle English from arse + hole

First Known Use of arsehole - 14th century, in the meaning defined above

DANGEROUS ARSEHOLES - Not only is this ugly, but it's a potential death trap for adventurous youngsters who climb their garden fences, and could then fall onto those unsightly steel piles below. you really need to have your anus checked out if you are considering buying one of these, and you have children. Not only that, but when you decide to move on, the resale value may suffer, as other people spot the obvious danger, when their surveyor takes a peek over the fence - at the so-called - wood land view, and sees what is below. What a bunch of assholes!

Noun: arsehole (plural arseholes)

(Britain, Australia, Ireland, New Zealand, vulgar) The anus. 

The moment I sat on the toilet, my crap immediately came out of my arsehole. (vulgar, offensive) 

An inconsiderate or mean-spirited person. Less vulgar and intense than fucker.

Shut up, you big dummy! – Hey! Don't call me “big dummy”, you arsehole!

https://shop.newsthump.com/product/a-cabinet-of-arseholes-t-shirt/  £19.00

The government might still be considered relatively ‘new’, but it’s become increasingly obvious that this government is run by another cabinet choc-full of arseholes. As you can clearly see on this T-shirt!

https://www.cafepress.co.uk/+arsehole_amplification_aluminum_license_plate,75546372

https://keepcalms.com/product/hoodie/what-a-bunch-of-arseholes/

https://www.betootaadvocate.com/uncategorized/bmw-111-hp-big/

ASSHOLES CONSPIRACY TO KILL WILDLIFE - Just about all of the proposed houses in the field adjacent to Lime Cross, will flush pesticides downhill into Lime Pond (centre lower), so killing the herons, ducks, fish, frogs and newts. Anyone party to the killing of these animals by poisoning, or the contamination of their environment, is liable to fines and imprisonment. We'd imagine remedial works would involved demolition of the houses, by way of a restoration order. And that is why a bond is needed. So why go there? The poisoning is inevitable - it's just a matter of time. It is alleged that Southern Water has already bulldozed a Badger's home in an underground sett, in a hedgerow adjacent to Shit Creek.

ASSHOLE

The word asshole (in North American English) or arsehole (in all other major varieties of the English language), is a vulgarism to describe the anus, and often used pejoratively (as a type of synecdoche) to refer to people.

A BUM DEAL - Typically, arseholes specialize in giving everyone else a bum deal, like the Conservative management of the UK. They run the country like a concentration camp, where the inmates are sucked dry by high rents and taxes, but the NHS is dysfunctional and the roads are potholed.

History

The word arse in English derives from the Proto-Germanic (reconstructed) word *arsaz, from the Proto-Indo-European word *ors-, meaning "buttocks" or "backside". The combined form arsehole is first attested from 1500 in its literal use to refer to the anus. The metaphorical use of the word to refer to the worst place in a region (e.g., "the arsehole of the world"), is first attested in print in 1865; the use to refer to a contemptible person is first attested in 1933. In the ninth chapter of his 1945 autobiography, Black Boy, Richard Wright quotes a snippet of verse that uses the term: "All these white folks dressed so fine / Their ass-holes smell just like mine ...". Its earliest known usage in newspaper as an insult was 1965. As with other vulgarities, these uses of the word may have been common in oral speech for some time before their first appearances in print. By the 1970s, Hustler magazine featured people they did not like as "Asshole of the Month." In 1972, Jonathan Richman of Modern Lovers recorded his song "Pablo Picasso", which includes the line "Pablo Picasso was never called an asshole."

Until the early 1990s, the word was considered one of a number of words that could not be uttered on commercial television in the United States. Comedian Andrew Dice Clay caused a major shock when he uttered the word during a televised MTV awards show in 1989. However, there were PG-13 and R rated films in the 1980s that featured use of the word, such as the R-rated The Terminator (1984), the PG-13-rated National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989), and the PG-rated Back to the Future (1985). By 1994, however, vulgarity had become more acceptable, and the word was featured in dialog on the long-running television series NYPD Blue, though it has yet to become anything close to commonplace on network TV. In some broadcast edits (such as the syndication airings of South Park), the word is partially bleeped out, as "assh—".

Martin Kihn’s Ten Steps to Becoming An Asshole:

1. Fake it ‘til you make it – Act confident, pushy and assertive, even if you’re not. Kihn hired an acting coach to help him lose his default ‘nice guy’ mannerisms. He learned to replace his smile with a thrust-out chin, a glare or a yawn.
2. Find asshole role models – Pay close attention to assholes at work, on TV or in the street and copy their behaviour. Kihn studied Tony ‘Scarface’ Montana’s body language and also drew inspiration from Donald Trump, a man in his building with a tattoo on his face and ‘people who attend NRA conventions’.
3. Hire a life coach – Fill your head with aggressive, asshole thoughts through ‘negative meditation’. Use visualisation techniques to imagine the new callous, powerful, asshole you.
4. Become the alpha dog – Learn dominant, intimidating behaviour by observing dogs and episodes of TV’s The Dog Whisperer.
5. Be a fighter, not a lover – Use pain, caffeine, energy drinks and a red meat only diet to hone your body into ‘a walking sphincter’. Take boxing lessons.
6. Show no interest in others – Be the centre of your own universe. Interrupt others when they speak. Always speak loudly – if it’s a phone call, put them on speakerphone.
7. Criticise in public, praise in private – Undermine others, particularly if it takes the heat off you. Use subtle mind games to manipulate others and keep them on-side. Total confusion will make victimisation easier.
8. Keep your eyes on the prize – Remain focused to the point where nothing else matters. Don’t waste time with people if they can’t help you on your way.
9. Never, ever admit a mistake – Lie if necessary, but always maintain an air of infallibility.
10. Leap before you look – Instead of whining and being introspective, take action. You can’t think your way into the right action; you have to act your way into the right thinking.

Semantics

The word is mainly used as a vulgarity, generally to describe people who are viewed as stupid, incompetent, unpleasant, or detestable. Moral philosopher Aaron James, in his 2012 book, Assholes: A Theory, gives a more precise meaning of the word, particularly to its connotation in the United States: A person, who is almost always male, who considers himself of much greater moral or social importance than everyone else; who allows himself to enjoy special advantages and does so systematically; who does this out of an entrenched sense of entitlement; and who is immunized by his sense of entitlement against the complaints of other people. He feels he is not to be questioned, and he is the one who is chiefly wronged.

This word or its literal translation is found in colloquial speech in a number of cultures besides English because it describes both an intimate part as well as an organ for defecation, both of which are considered to be taboo parts of the body in many societies.

The English word ass (meaning donkey, a cognate of its zoological name Equus asinus) may also be used as a term of contempt, referring to a silly or stupid person. In the United States (and, to a lesser extent, Canada), the words arse and ass have become synonymous.

The UK declared a climate emergency, then accelerated building, and then under the Conservatives, they allowed Coronavirus into the country, by failing to lock down docks and airports. Just more of the typical myopic retrospective inaction we have come to expect from a party that has no forward plan.

Political usage

In 2000, during a Labor Day event, then-candidate George W. Bush made an offhand remark to his running mate, Dick Cheney, that The New York Times reporter Adam Clymer was a "major league asshole." The gaffe was caught on microphone and led to a political advertisement chiding Bush for "using expletives... in front of a crowd of families," produced for Democratic opponent Al Gore.

In February 2004, American media reported that during a rally of supporters, Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez was reported to have called Bush "an asshole" for believing his aides in supporting a coup against Chavez in 2002. The word in its original Spanish was "pendejo", and in news coverage the word was widely (though incorrectly) translated as "asshole"; the true meaning of the word varies substantially within Latin America, and in Venezuela its meaning is closer to "fool". In September of the following year, Nightline host Ted Koppel said to Chavez on national television, "I'm going to perhaps shock you a little, but these are your words. You called President Bush an asshole," — to which Chavez replied, "I've said various things about him. I don't know if I actually used that word."

In 2008, the Liberal Democrat MP for Leeds North West, Greg Mulholland was recorded describing health minister Ivan Lewis as an arsehole after Lewis refused to let him intervene in a Westminster Hall debate on hospice funding. He later publicly defended his comment.

URBAN DICTIONARY

A person who is intentionally cruel, obnoxious and heartless. Assholes are most often male. (written by a female, but true anyway) A female who follows these traits is [sometimes] referred to as a bitch. Assholes can take any form. Knowing this allows you to spot assholes at any time or place.

Be warned that an asshole is not synonymous for douchebag. A genuine asshole is the lethal combination of intelligence and arrogance. Assholes will attempt to humiliate you, and unfortunately, they generally succeed due to their intelligence. Douchebags, on the other hand, consist of only arrogance. They only think they are smart. Douchebags do not know they are douchebags because of their extreme egotistic tendencies. However, the asshole will always know they are an asshole.

Though the appearance of assholes does not follow a stereotype, behavior does. Assholes tend to

- ENJOY NOTHING MORE THAN BEING AN ASSHOLE.
- Smirk. A lot.
- Argue for the sake of arguing.
- Laugh when they win an argument.
- Never let you hear the end of the argument they won.
- Participate in arguments they know they are not going to win.
- Not stop arguing until you give up because there's no point in arguing anymore even though you know you won.
- Associate your giving up with their victory.
- Point out every flaw your argument has, regardless of the subject. All the asshole cares about is making people look stupid.
- Physically push you around to get under your skin.
- Ambiguously answer your questions.
- Deny that they are assholes out loud.

"Wow. Max just argued unintelligently with me for an hour and a half and he thinks he won."
"Jeez, what an asshole."

TAKING A CRAP - Bums to the porcelain and puff those cheeks. Going to the toilet was not always such a refined affair, not until Thomas Crapper plumbed in a small tank high on a wall above a ceramic bowl, with a superior siphon release system, in his London showrooms, that the concept really caught on. This was thanks to many English and American inventors, including Thomas Twyford. The above contraption is a treatment plant owned by Southern Water in Victoria Road, just off the A271, near Herstmonceux, East Sussex. 

LINKS & REFERENCE

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asshole:_How_I_Got_Rich_and_Happy_by_Not_Giving_a_Shit_About_You

https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1138936-donald-trump

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Asshole

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asshole
https://www.cafepress.co.uk/+arsehole_amplification_aluminum_license_plate,75546372
https://keepcalms.com/product/hoodie/what-a-bunch-of-arseholes/
https://www.betootaadvocate.com/uncategorized/bmw-111-hp-big/

https://shop.newsthump.com/product/a-cabinet-of-arseholes-t-shirt/

https://www.lexico.com/definition/arsehole

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/arsehole

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/arsehole

WHAT A BUNCH OF ASSHOLES: BROWN CLIFFS OF HERSTMONCEUX - Unlike Dover, with their beautiful white cliffs, in Wealden they like the colour brown so much they gave planning permission to build this artificial edifice in the country - taking with it the natural beauty of the countryside for walkers - and - or (allegedly), polluting or deviating the watercourse downstream. They call the mini-estate Woodlands View, including Elm Close, Hawthorn Lane and Oak Way, just off the A271, Hailsham Road as it runs through the village.

Shit! We wonder if they still use brown envelopes to deliver perks to those in the decision making pipeline. We bet you'll not find a poor planning officer in this region, and check those councillor declarations of interest. You might find poor planners in other regions where the idiotic permissions don't flow quite so freely as favours. In Wealdenland water flows uphill and shit is pumped from one place to another. It's a bit like Alice in Wonderland.